she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
