C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize