either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
