i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
