So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
