Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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