he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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