I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
