let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
