I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
