Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
