just come out here and I will go home with you...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
