These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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