One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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