You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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