im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
