I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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