tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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