he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
