Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
