honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
