YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
