We need to rekindle our bromance
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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