If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
