dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
