I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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