I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
