I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
