New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
