I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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