Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
