We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
