How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
