i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
