i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
