I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This baby is an asshole
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
