so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
