jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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