So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
