we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
