this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
