I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
