ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
