I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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