I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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