i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
