I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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