I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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