Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
home. puking in laundry basket.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
