just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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