I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
