Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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