His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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