Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
