watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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