my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
