well I can't set my house on fire every night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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