exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize