There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
