I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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