Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
