please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm passing your future prison.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
