Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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