it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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