Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
