I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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