Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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