Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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