"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
