my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
