There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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