he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I enjoy the company of your penis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
