yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sext me about skeletons
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
