I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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